Deep Thoughts from George Carlin
1. Does the
Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
2. How is it
possible to have a civil war?
3. If God
dropped acid, would he see people?
4. If one
synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
5. If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you
still be hungry?
6. If you try to fail, and
succeed, which have you done?
7. Whose cruel
idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
8. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids"
instead of "assteroids"?
9. Why is it called
tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
10. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it
because of that song?
11. Where are we
going? And what's with this hand basket?
If the "blackbox" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane
crash, why isn't the whole damn airplane made out of that stuff?
13. Why is there an expiration date on sour
14. If man evolved from monkeys and
apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
15. The main reason Santa is so jolly is
because he knows where all the bad girls live.
16. I went to a bookstore and asked the
saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told
me, it would defeat the purpose.
17. If all
those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all
18. Should crematoriums give
discounts for burn victims?
19. If a mute
swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
20. If you spin an oriental man in a circle
three times, does he become disoriented?
Submitted by Delrose